Tuesday, April 19, 2011

On my wedding day I got more than just a husband I had a family

One of our Anniversaries is on Friday. As I look back over the last 17 years I can’t help but smile at how perfect life with Vern is.  You see I have three wedding days. Not because we are one of the crazy cool couples that love each other, but are not sure if we like each other. No we haven’t been divorced and remarried a few times. We just did it a little differently.
We eloped on a road trip. And what a road trip that was a. I mean seriously what else do you do when the roads are closed due to slow? And there really isn’t much to do at Dead Man’s Pass, and not to mention the fact that I was utterly infatuated with the guy. What a night just us, some amazing promises and vows and yes I am one of those lucky women who really did get my ring out of a gum ball machine. What a memory and a night to never be forgotten.
Our second wedding was in Amarillo. I could lie and say it was my dream wedding, but that would be, well a lie. Vern and Auvi and I were all there. It was small and sweet and all of the right people were there. Sometimes you do what is good for family, and doing that was good for them.
Our third was perfect we were sealed in the Salt Lake City Temple with our two girls. It was a perfect October day. I couldn’t have loved Vern any more. In fact it started to look like trend, each time we had another wedding we added child to the picture. Maybe we should have had 14 wedding and I could have had the 13 kids I always thought I wanted (Glad I came to my senses quick on that one)
I was 20 when I met Vern. Vern was 19and Auvi was 9 months old. Vern swears it was love at first sight when he saw me. In fact I still can’t help but blush when he tells the story of how we met. But I really do believe the icing on the cake was when he met Auvi. Auvi was the cutest fattest sweetest little girl. Honestly she was just flat out adorable. After a few dates with Vern and working with him for a little while, he asked if we could do something with Auvi. I was a little leery of this at first. I though hmmm how do you do this single mom dating thing. But I knew that with Vern it would be ok. So one day he called and asked me if I wanted to drive out to Herford (yep you guess it we were in Texas, where else would a place be called something like Herford) to deliver some frames. Now that may not seem like a romantic hot date, but I really was digging the guy so I jumped at the chance to do it. “Well lets bring Auvi” he said. Obviously he didn’t know much about babies. Taking them on a 4 hour round trip car ride isn’t the best way to get to know one. But why not I thought. She was a bit fussy on the way there, but he did everything to make her smile and laugh. I couldn’t believe how sweet and patient he was with her.  At that moment I knew this was the guy for me.
Believe it or not that 4 hour trip went off without any problems. On the way home Vern was singing Lion King Music to her the whole way home. In fact, as I think about it maybe I should have been a little jealous J  He was paying much more attention to her then he was to me J
Auvi knew she was hooked when after the drive he took us to a little restaurant called Cajun Magic. I went to the restroom and came back to find that Vern had taught her how to use a straw and she was sucking away at a 32 ounce Dr. Pepper. From that moment she was in love with him.
As we started to date more Auvi was always included. In fact it was never even a question or a thought for him. He was just hers and mine. But you have to remember that he was still just a 19 year old guy. In his first apartment, with a roommate. He even had a toilet seat in his living room with a plant in it. He had hanging Dr. Pepper cans from the ceiling and may other things, I am sure he would glad that I didn’t share throughout his apartment. It was just a funny bachelor pad just like you would see in the movies.
How could a guy go from loving the crazy bachelor days to being a perfect husband and Dad all in 6 months? That is really the true question I have always wondered. This man I married is and was amazing. He was the perfect man and the perfect dad. Not many men at any age would even accept the responsibility in their life or a responsibility like that. That is what truly made me fall in love with him. He wasn’t just a new husband trying to figure out how to pay bills and live in a married life. He was a husband and a new dad figuring out how to be a dad and provide for a family. And I love him so much for it.
We quickly became pregnant with Zoe. I like to say we are an instant family just add water set up. As I watched my husband each day raise and love Auvi and soon have another beautiful daughter, I couldn’t help but fall deeper  and deeper in love with him. His love for me and the girls was the greatest gift that I could ever have. We obviously like water, throughout the years our little family grew to a family of 6.
I know that in October of 1994 many people were pretty upset that they were snowed in the mountains. I know that the only little hotel room we could find was cheap and a little scary. But I also know that I will be forever grateful for the snow that fell from the sky and blocked our way back home. Because of that I have the man of my dreams and the most amazing father that any child could have!

Monday, April 11, 2011

Same thought coming up time and time again.

I am part of this amazing writing group. This group is set up of 6 women. I have learned so much from this women. As we talk about our writing projects each week, I realize how much I like just putting out what I think. Most of it is just ideas and thoughts. Nothing deep, well not most of the time, and nothing of huge value to the average person. But it has made me look around at how we think and how others think.
I have been talking about this a lot to Vern (he is my perfect husband for me).  Why do people think things have to be hard. And why do people think kids have to learn things the hard way? This is not intended to be a negative post, but just something I have been think about a lot lately. I hate to have my first post seem negative. So imagine me saying it with a big smile.

I am a mom so that I can be there when my kids succeed, and when they fail. I want them to fail a lot when they live at home. This way I can be there when it happens and I can work through it with them. BUT this does not mean that I want it to have to be hard. It also doesn’t mean that they cannot love and enjoy everything I can offer them right now.
Yes I bet that sounds confusing so here is an example. And If I get on a tangent I might end up putting up 47 examples. Yes I have been having issues with this lately. But I will try to control myself.
My 15 year old daughter had to have an MRI. She didn’t realize it was going to be a die injection MRI. So she wanted her dad and I to be there during the IV. The response from the nurse, “Oh she is too old for this, most kids don’t get both parents with them at DR appointments .” My response from a family member, “She is getting to old for that and she needs to learn to just deal with it, its fine if she was scared you have to grow up sometime.” The response from the women at the office, “Seriously, she can just deal with it and get over it. We don’t want to have to have them lock up your items that are metal and let you in.” My response from my daughter as she was squeezing my hand until it was blue and crying  for her dad ”Please don’t let them touch me without my dad here, I know he is outside, just let him in.”  

Did they let him in no!
But I ask why. Why is it in people’s minds that kids have to have it the hard way? Why can’t we just let kids be who they are and live in the moment? Someone said don’t be so upset about it when she is older she will have to deal with it then. And they are right, but when she is 30 she will be able to better cope with it and be ready to cope with it. Why not just say you know what this will make her happy and help her deal better with the situation.
I Can’t help myself! Here is another example.
 My daughter is in Ukraine. She is 17 and teaching English. She comes home in June!!  I Can’t wait! So Zoe my 15 year old and I are planning a trip to see her. Wow doesn’t that sound nice and fun. I think so. But the response has been from mainly family. “What? Why would you do that? She doesn’t need you to pick her up.” “So what if she thinks it would be great for you to come and see where she has lived.” “She is old enough to understand that things don’t always go the way you want.” “Well I would have never gotten to do that, and nor will I ever.” “Don’t you think she is a bit spoiled?” Do you really expect your husband to have to pay for that, and to have you gone that long?” “And can’t you just tell her that is just life. Life isn’t about always having fun and letting kids get what they want.” “Your kids have already done so much and will think the world is a big party.” “If I was you I would think about not letting your kids always get what they want.”
First off my kids don’t get everything they want. But I will try to do whatever I can to give them things that will expand their world and things that can help them reach the goals and passions they have!
Darn it here is one more J  Kelby my 13 year old is not a kid that learns in a classroom reading a book. He probably will never be a man that chooses to work in an office. He needs to be outside and move around. There is an awesome school in Everett Washington. It is about 6 hours from here. They are a school that teaches survival and outdoor skills. It is a little spendy, but they have a great homeschool program. Every Friday they have a survival class. Wow isn’t that awesome! Just what he would love. Yes it is a 12 hour drive each week, but this is just what this guy needs. 
But the response we have gotten is “You can’t really do that.” “That is so much driving.” “So many kids don’t get that.” “If he was in public school he wouldn’t even have the chance to do that.” “That is a ridiculous amount of time and money.” “He will live without it.” “My parents would not  have done that for me.”
Instead I would think the response from family and people we know would be, Wow that is exactly what he would like. Is he excited. Man you will have some crazy fun on those long drives. I know Kelby wants to be a master guide when he grows up, this is perfect training. Good for him, that’s exciting.
Why do people tell our children or other children things like this? Why not glory in the things that they are interested in. Why not scrape a little to make a dream come true for them. And why not stop and listen to them and not think, well I didn’t get to do that. It is a little upsetting to me.
Yes these might seem like silly examples. But they are small examples to the many I have been hearing lately.  (Just don’t feel like starting a family war by putting it all out there) J  I am finding that many people find it hard to want others to get to enjoy and truly live. While we were RVing, we heard several times from many retirees “What are you doing living on the road? We worked our whole lives and never got to do the things you and your kids get to do. You sure didn’t put your time in to be able to enjoy life”? Well you know we do work full time. We just found away to make what we wanted to happen.
Can you imagine if we all lived the life we wanted. If we all really thought that we could reach and do anything we wanted to do? What a world of happiness this would be. I want to break that box, and I want my children to never realize that there has to be a box. I want them to realize that life is so short why not live it before it is gone. I love the song  Live like you are dying.  Maybe we can all live this way. Maybe we can all be parents that will do what it takes to help our kids have the life they want and not be the rain cloud over their dreams.
Life doesn’t have to be just about money and the things you own. Nor do we need to be Henny Penny and think  the sky is always falling. I think we need to live a little. Our families road name is the LOUD Family. We chose this because it meant Living Our Ultimate Dream. If we all did this the world would be amazing!
Here is a link to one family that just did that. They biked with their 11 year old twins from Alaska to the bottom of South America. I have been so grateful to get to know them and be inspired by their dream. What is your? And if you are not living it  Why the HECK not?