Monday, April 11, 2011

Same thought coming up time and time again.

I am part of this amazing writing group. This group is set up of 6 women. I have learned so much from this women. As we talk about our writing projects each week, I realize how much I like just putting out what I think. Most of it is just ideas and thoughts. Nothing deep, well not most of the time, and nothing of huge value to the average person. But it has made me look around at how we think and how others think.
I have been talking about this a lot to Vern (he is my perfect husband for me).  Why do people think things have to be hard. And why do people think kids have to learn things the hard way? This is not intended to be a negative post, but just something I have been think about a lot lately. I hate to have my first post seem negative. So imagine me saying it with a big smile.

I am a mom so that I can be there when my kids succeed, and when they fail. I want them to fail a lot when they live at home. This way I can be there when it happens and I can work through it with them. BUT this does not mean that I want it to have to be hard. It also doesn’t mean that they cannot love and enjoy everything I can offer them right now.
Yes I bet that sounds confusing so here is an example. And If I get on a tangent I might end up putting up 47 examples. Yes I have been having issues with this lately. But I will try to control myself.
My 15 year old daughter had to have an MRI. She didn’t realize it was going to be a die injection MRI. So she wanted her dad and I to be there during the IV. The response from the nurse, “Oh she is too old for this, most kids don’t get both parents with them at DR appointments .” My response from a family member, “She is getting to old for that and she needs to learn to just deal with it, its fine if she was scared you have to grow up sometime.” The response from the women at the office, “Seriously, she can just deal with it and get over it. We don’t want to have to have them lock up your items that are metal and let you in.” My response from my daughter as she was squeezing my hand until it was blue and crying  for her dad ”Please don’t let them touch me without my dad here, I know he is outside, just let him in.”  

Did they let him in no!
But I ask why. Why is it in people’s minds that kids have to have it the hard way? Why can’t we just let kids be who they are and live in the moment? Someone said don’t be so upset about it when she is older she will have to deal with it then. And they are right, but when she is 30 she will be able to better cope with it and be ready to cope with it. Why not just say you know what this will make her happy and help her deal better with the situation.
I Can’t help myself! Here is another example.
 My daughter is in Ukraine. She is 17 and teaching English. She comes home in June!!  I Can’t wait! So Zoe my 15 year old and I are planning a trip to see her. Wow doesn’t that sound nice and fun. I think so. But the response has been from mainly family. “What? Why would you do that? She doesn’t need you to pick her up.” “So what if she thinks it would be great for you to come and see where she has lived.” “She is old enough to understand that things don’t always go the way you want.” “Well I would have never gotten to do that, and nor will I ever.” “Don’t you think she is a bit spoiled?” Do you really expect your husband to have to pay for that, and to have you gone that long?” “And can’t you just tell her that is just life. Life isn’t about always having fun and letting kids get what they want.” “Your kids have already done so much and will think the world is a big party.” “If I was you I would think about not letting your kids always get what they want.”
First off my kids don’t get everything they want. But I will try to do whatever I can to give them things that will expand their world and things that can help them reach the goals and passions they have!
Darn it here is one more J  Kelby my 13 year old is not a kid that learns in a classroom reading a book. He probably will never be a man that chooses to work in an office. He needs to be outside and move around. There is an awesome school in Everett Washington. It is about 6 hours from here. They are a school that teaches survival and outdoor skills. It is a little spendy, but they have a great homeschool program. Every Friday they have a survival class. Wow isn’t that awesome! Just what he would love. Yes it is a 12 hour drive each week, but this is just what this guy needs. 
But the response we have gotten is “You can’t really do that.” “That is so much driving.” “So many kids don’t get that.” “If he was in public school he wouldn’t even have the chance to do that.” “That is a ridiculous amount of time and money.” “He will live without it.” “My parents would not  have done that for me.”
Instead I would think the response from family and people we know would be, Wow that is exactly what he would like. Is he excited. Man you will have some crazy fun on those long drives. I know Kelby wants to be a master guide when he grows up, this is perfect training. Good for him, that’s exciting.
Why do people tell our children or other children things like this? Why not glory in the things that they are interested in. Why not scrape a little to make a dream come true for them. And why not stop and listen to them and not think, well I didn’t get to do that. It is a little upsetting to me.
Yes these might seem like silly examples. But they are small examples to the many I have been hearing lately.  (Just don’t feel like starting a family war by putting it all out there) J  I am finding that many people find it hard to want others to get to enjoy and truly live. While we were RVing, we heard several times from many retirees “What are you doing living on the road? We worked our whole lives and never got to do the things you and your kids get to do. You sure didn’t put your time in to be able to enjoy life”? Well you know we do work full time. We just found away to make what we wanted to happen.
Can you imagine if we all lived the life we wanted. If we all really thought that we could reach and do anything we wanted to do? What a world of happiness this would be. I want to break that box, and I want my children to never realize that there has to be a box. I want them to realize that life is so short why not live it before it is gone. I love the song  Live like you are dying.  Maybe we can all live this way. Maybe we can all be parents that will do what it takes to help our kids have the life they want and not be the rain cloud over their dreams.
Life doesn’t have to be just about money and the things you own. Nor do we need to be Henny Penny and think  the sky is always falling. I think we need to live a little. Our families road name is the LOUD Family. We chose this because it meant Living Our Ultimate Dream. If we all did this the world would be amazing!
Here is a link to one family that just did that. They biked with their 11 year old twins from Alaska to the bottom of South America. I have been so grateful to get to know them and be inspired by their dream. What is your? And if you are not living it  Why the HECK not?


  1. These are all great points. Why can't we be advocates for each other and teach our kids to be creative and resourceful at the same time? Smash that box, I say.

    Thanks for an inspirational post.

  2. If we can? If it is doable? If we want to do it? Why not? For everyone who boo-hoos you the answer is why not?

  3. You are so well spoken and I think there is way too much nay-saying going on all around the world. People have so much distaste for things that are different than what they feel is "the goal". As I have struggled lately to navigate through the muddy waters that are the family that I am activley working to create though a myriad of people and lives, I've realized that I am never going to find the dynamic that makes each person in this very tangled web feel appricated and like they are gaining. I've tried very hard to set things up the best possible way, and in the end what I want and what I've tried to accomidate just doesn't matter because their reactions will be exactly what they want it to be. So I'm lessening the web. I am making priotires for only those living in my house and all other opinions anf feelings be damned. Because this is MY family. I will do what is best for us individually.

    Good for Kelby! Shame on each of those doctors with Zoe!!! and nuture that giving kind heart of Auvi's. What amazing children you have who are going to do good in the world and always try to better it simply because they grew up thinking they could.

  4. I love you and I love your family.
    I think you are doing everything right. Sometimes, I am even jealous!

  5. Can't wait to read more from my wonderful, inspirational cousin!! I learn so much from the little things you post on facebook and now I have a whole blog to learn from. Love you!

  6. You and your family are such an inspiration to ours. I can't tell you how much I admire you and wish to emulate the way you raise your children. You have taught me a whole new way of looking at life and I just wanted to say thank you for being such a great example. We love you guys!

  7. wow, just wow! I often think that the world is suffering from a lack of compassion, especially when I hear things like the examples you gave. I sit and wonder where it comes from and what comes to mind is a single word, disconnect. In an age where we seem to be more connected than ever, by media, internet, all forms of travel and communication, we are sadly and tragically disconnected from everything important to being a human being. We are disconnected from our own true needs, our families, compassion, from the very Source of life itself. When I say "we" I mean the collective of course. Families like yours, and hopefully mine, and a handful of others that we have recently met, are holding the light and trying to change that, for ourselves yes, but also to show people that there is another way. I think when people see this it challenges their own beliefs, if even in a subconscious way, and they get scared. Keep up the good work you guys, keep following your light.

  8. Oh Sister Evans, you are my hero! And an incredible writer. Love your blog. :) Miss you too. Love, Kathryn Perry

  9. I may not be a parent but I'm a kid and I completely agree with you. My parents have done a fantastic job of this for us and I hope to be able to do these sort of things for my children someday as well :) I Have had the fantastic chance to travel to Europe twice and am going again this summer and next spring break. These have been and will be some of the best times i have had with my parents and friends. Also about the story with Zoey at the hospital, I can totally relate. I broke my hand a year or two ago and had to get pins put in it. Honestly all I wanted to do was curl up in my dads lap and cry lol. I think that while I'm still living in my parents house and under twenty I have every right to do that should I feel the need! Thank you for posting things like this, it's comforting to know that my parents aren't the only ones who believe this. It gives me courage to plan on being the parent I want to be!
    ~ juliette ~

  10. Sister Kati, You are doing all the right things and I admire you and your children.
    Sister Sherron

  11. Katy, You are an awesome mom. Vern is an awesome dad and your children are awesome kids. Why do you think that is??? Because of the way that you raise them and in turn the way they love and appreciate you for it. You are such an example to so many. You are a family that once someone has the privilege of meeting you, they are changed forever.

    Life is way too short. It took the trial through Adam's illness and subsequent death for me to realize that. I tell people all the time to open their eyes and not be as stubborn as I was, to have to go through such a life altering trial like I had to do, to learn the very same lesson.

    Parents are their children’s biggest advocate. Don't ever be ashamed or feel bad for the way that you raise your children. As long as you are doing what you feel is best for them. It is sad that other people can make us feel bad just for doing something that they themselves don't have the guts to do with their own child, or because they didn't have the same opportunity.

    I say keep up the good work. You are doing a phenomenal job. What more in life should bring us greater joy than making our kids happy? That is what Heavenly Father wants for us; why not want the same thing for our own children. We have the free agency to make life as happy as we choose, no matter what the situation. The Lord has continued to bless you with the opportunities and resources to make such things happen. You are obviously doing something right. :)

    I want to share two quotes with you that I think are great, then I'll step off my soapbox. Lol

    Life is like a piano... What you get out of it depends on how you play it.

    With the most important things. Time isn't found, but made.

    Love and miss you guys a TON!!!!